I just want your extra time and your…

I find it very interesting that even the most jaded perverts seem to agree with my particular POV: kissing is an extremely intimate act.

I had an ongoing casual thing, for years, with someone who I don’t think I ever kissed. Perhaps the first time. Maybe. Once. However. When the stated purpose of the meeting is to fuck, it can seem like a dissembling and, frankly, somewhat misleading tactic to lean in for a kiss. In the cold light of day, this seems strange. But to me, kissing is an affectionate gesture that may or may not lead to more intimate clinches. If you have made a date with a fuck buddy, there is no nicety there. This may well just be me, and perhaps there are legions of people who make out with their casual fuck-buddies. If so, hey, school a sister!

But there it is.

I have known poly and non-monogamous people who have very
explicitly included kissing as part of sexual contact in their negotiations, and for casual play-dates, kissing was outside of the boundary.
Within the structure of a BDSM scene, it is easier to let kissing go by the wayside. There are so many entrances and exits to Scening, that the preliminary “Make-out session”  is hardly a requisite. In fact, even with people with whom I shared an intimate relationship, kissing wasn’t necessarily a part of the scene foreplay or warm-up.  In retrospect, my most formal d/s relationship involved little kissing. It wasn’t his preference to romanticise the Training Period framework of our relationship, and so intimate kissing was a rarity.

Of course, after being tied up / whipped / flogged / tormented to within a micron of sanity, having your tormenter lean in for a gently sweet seemingly incongruous kiss can be the zenith of ecstasy. That gesture, speaking so profoundly and quietly if intimacy, can undo even the most stalwart submissive.

I’ve noted, over the years, that players who do not kiss their scene partners are often perceived as “stand-offish” or cold…perhaps having “intimacy issues”.

The last person I dated was someone who enjoyed kissing, and it reminded me how intimate and delightful an act that can be. Having had previous relationships where kissing as an act wasn’t something that the other pasty concerned prioritised, it was a nice reminder that hanging out on first base can be a truly wonderful thing.