Please. Don’t do me any favors.
I have been exchanging emails with a dominant I had approached with the intent of getting to know him a little better.
I got several brushbacks. He found me “intimidating” somehow…but never elaborated on what that meant.
He doesn’t play casually, because his play partners tend to “fall for him” so rather than risk that, he avoids playing up until mutual levels of interest are met.
Well, OK, whatever works, right?
Then I got the serious emotional bean ball: the suckerpunch of being told I’m “not the type” he is usually attracted to…but my scintillating intellect intrigued him to the point where he considered the chance to get to know me a rare treat. A singular indulgence for his own formidable intellect.
Thanks.
I want nothing more than to be your Scheherazade while you go off being ego-stroked by the hordes of swooning submissives who ARE your type, even if their conversation, realness, intelligence and demeanor are no match for mine.
Srsly?
You wanna admire my wit?
Read my fucking blogs.
You want repartee?
Subscribe to my goddamned Twitter feed.
I need to be lusted after and ravished by a Man Who Wants Nothing More Than To Own Me.
Not a sparkly psychic bauble.
Not your mental whetstone.
My last long-term relationship was with a guy who would stop everything he was doing and fuck my brains out when he saw me naked. He thought my body was absolutely perfect. Oh and hey! He ADDITIONALLY admired my intelligence. Fancy that.
Too bad he was intimidated by my history as a kinkster. It took me 3 years to pass through that relationship.
But that is another story for another day.
I am pleased my turnaround time on weeding out mismatched partners is improving.
Exponentially.
SO, back to the current issue…
After many MANY conversational miscues and missteps that left me feeling a bit battered, I closed my last communication with this prospective date thusly:
I value myself FAR to highly to be shoe-horned among the swooning mass of women with whom you won’t play because they “fall for you.”
I have been around the dungeon enough times to know that someone who is still sleeping with an ex “because they are fluid bonded” is not someone who is fully emotionally and physically and spiritually available.
I am not at all interested in waiting and hoping for the day you have the gumption and /or desire to let go of your ex and move on.
I will not compete with other women for your time.
I am free, unencumbered, emotionally available and have the ovaries to live alone and walk alone until someone who wants me as I am, and who appreciates all that I am comes along.
I am certainly not going to cobble together a scant meal from the crumbs and leavings of someone else’s table.
That is what you are offering me right now.
I wish I felt as strong as those words sound…because right now I feel lonely.
But I don’t feel lonely enough to fucking queue up for a man-raffle.
Hey Moe, great blog today, I totally get what your saying and although I had a good birthday with a Dom friend recently, I didn’t know I was going to click with Him as well as I did. He’s not really all that available and He doesn’t want anything too serious.
So I’m essentially on the lonely road as well, I haven’t dated much and trying to find the right person has been so hard. And when I do find the right person there is always a but or a catch. It really sucks and I’m wondering if I’ll ever find anyone in this lifestyle worthy of me and who wants me completely.
Total food for thought and I wouldn’t want to compete with a man’s many options as it were either..m
Big love, babe.
I can’t answer that question…I’m percolating on a class / roundtable about this very issue.
But most important: DO. NOT. COMPROMISE.
EVER.
Not on being with someone who loves you.
*applauds* Bravissimo!
See, for me? I don’t expect love. In fact, I don’t really believe in the beast. But desire? Hell yeah.
I need to be _wanted_. I need to be desired. I need to be needed. *shrug*
It’s a Scorpio thing. ;)
The Acceptance is a Gemini thing… all of the Mos in my body need to be fed.
And honestly?
If you are dating me you ARE in a poly relationship already!
I have a couple of…*ahem* sides to me as well. ;) It’s a lil complicated, but dammit, I’m fun. *grin*
abso-fuckin – lutely, dear. what kind of a chump negotiates to give as little of himself as possible, in exchange for your time/love/energy? where i live (off san pablo ave) that’s called a *pimp* – these vampires who are nourished off of female energy (in particular). i’m so glad you are saying ‘no’ to that bullshit and making way for something that affirms the kind of life you want and deserve.
Hey sexy! ((lovin’ on you))
I don’t know why it feel so easy to survive on emotional gruel…but I’m so not down for it. The shit is exhausting. For reals.
As to what kind of chump does that…the kind of chump who gets away with it over and over and over again.
Total post love.
You are the lovely sort that reinforces that submissive =/= doormat. Thanks for that. :)
-TTC
*fist bump*
I am SO glad people feel me on this one. I need all of the positive reinforcement I can fucking get!
xoxo
~Mo
girl child, i got your back. you deserve nothing less than everything you are giving. that ass has no idea what he’s missin’, fuck him.
I know?!
SO very lame. SO lame.
But when faced with a smorgasbord of people who ask for so little and expect less, someone who asks to have their needs met is a threat and yes, intimidating.
Because you have to be accountable, and I think that maybe lots of people do not want that.
((hugs))
~Mo
Your strength of character always amazes me. You are as strong as your words, even if the hurt is telling you that you are not.
*hugs*
Hey thee big Kitteh :-D
Thank you for your shout out. It helps me immeasurably that people *SEE* me and reflect back the shit I’m going for, even when I feel like a dork and all lonely and unwanted. I can always remember that I have friends who know I fucking rule.
Nd will tell me that.
A Lot.
love
Mo
He doesn’t know what he is missing – epic FAIL
You are too sweet.
Part of me tries to remember that, even when the Nasty Voice is all “Hm. If you WERE “All That” he’d be all on it, no?”
But no, that isn’t true.
Often people don’t feel worthy themselves…or just aren’t a good match for lots of reasons. Or just. Aren’t. All. That. Into. You.
And that doesn’t diminish my value.
But man is that hard to remember!
xoxo
~MO
This is one of my personal anthems I thought you would like it.
[…] Please. Don’t do me any favors […]
Right decision. For the right reasons. Amen. Still doesn’t help with “lonely” but greatly reduces drama.
I keep telling myself: It only takes one. Wait for it!
Haven’t found him yet, but I’ve got some awesome friends to hold me over until I do, if ever. Honestly, not convinced it will happen, but I am ever the optimist :-)
p.s. thank you for reinforcing this for me.