Kinkfest Opening Ceremony: (or “Those 35 years as a performer paid off.)

Like a true masochist, I thought it would be cool to offer to perform at KinkFest this year. And like the sadists they must be, the good people at KinkFest booked me for the opening ceremony.

Yep. I was barfulous with nerves. Add to my woes, even as I was rehearsing the song in my room, thinking “OK, I have 45 minutes to go, stay calm, stay calm…” I was perusing the KinkFest info book and my eyes ran over the opening ceremony page just as my phone rang, my wrangler was calling and I realized that I was FUCKING MISTAKEN ABOUT THE START TIME and the opening ceremonies were starting…now.

<insert stream of psycho invective here>

I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

Srsly.

SO I bolted over to the Convention Center part of the hotel and made my way there, spoke to the (OMFG smoking hot) DJ about the cues, and within 15 minutes was up on stage pulling the banter and patter out of my ass. Got through the first song, which is my kinky version “Crazy” and it went fine. Patter patterbanter banter and it was time for the second song, the and this time the kinky doggerel was to the tune of  “My Favorite Things.”

Thing is this: when I did it in 69Stories, I only did one verse and the chorus. It was quite short. But since I could get an edited version, I had to write 2 more verses.

And get them performance ready.

IN 2 days.

No problem.

But this karaoke version had a piss poor lead in for the second verse.

I couldn’t hear it.

SO guess what, I fucked it up.

I tried to recover and then was like “OK, you know what? Fuck it. Stop. Start again.”

I waved to the DJ “Hey, I fucked up. Can you stop the song and start again?” I saw him grinning at me from the back of the dungeon and I was like “OK I think he thinks I’m kidding.”

I waved more vigorously “Hello! Hi, hey, no I’m really serious! I really really mean it! Stop the soooong! Please to start it again, please!”

I smiled, curled the hands, snapped back to the assembled pervs, who were all grinning like bandits. Nothing audiences love more than seeing someone fuck up and recover. They’re all rooting for me, right?

I was so nervous but miracle of miracles, the jibblies bounced my vibrato and healed my breath. I didn’t fall off pitch and got through it fine the second time around.

But boy was my head pounding. Something awful.

I ran off stage at the end and people were all congratulating me and all I could think “Aspirin aspirin please please…”

But of course, I was on headrush and so the headache kinda had to wait.

It really is worth it, despite the nerves and self-doubt to have so many people pouring out such good energy. I hope it got the thing off on a fun foot.

It took me FOREVER to get outta there, because people wanted to say hi, and thanks, and say such wonderful stuff….Yay!

OK, I feel pretty happy right now.

Yes, yep. I do.

I’m sitting in the hotel lobby writing this. My little laptop is having Some Issues, but they have a tight ship here and I am comfy and printing out my notes for tomorrow’s class.

At 10:00 AM.

Kill.

Me.

Nao.

kthxbai.