A TREMENDOUS Honor!

It is not uncommon for people to talk about how they think titles, awards and such fripperies are stupid. I’ve seen so many people write about how titles are redundant, slam the idea of people gathering to back-slap and self-congratulate with meaningless awards, even do the disingenuous thing of demurring that they are not worthy of nomination. I’ve even seen some people get nominated and win awards, claiming the whole time they don’t believe in the whole silly thing anyway.

Well, I’m not that guy.

I think awards and recognition are awesome. And there are lots of reasons for that.

First? I’m a “people pleaser” person. I’ve been programmed since birth to delight, amuse and entertain anyone around In order to feel loved. I started a professional career as an actor when I was 4. Applause and a paycheck helped to keep my family clothed, fed and housed. I went to a school for “gifted” kids, where accolades for academic achievement were the highest currency. I won an award at Salvation Army Summer Bible Camp for Chorus and an overall Best Camper Award, and to this day I am a sliver of an echo of bitter than my Mom wasn’t able to make it upstate to come and see me get those fucking pins. I almost shit my pants when I was recognized by the San Francisco Bay Guardian for my solo show. Blah blah blah, yadda McFuckin yadda. So yes, I love the gold star. I love it when someone reads something I wrote and is moved. I love it when I get up on stage and people laugh, or cry, or get angry, or turned on. I love being seen.

Second? I love it when people say “Good job.”

Third? I think recognizing that people work hard is a good thing. Especially in the main arena where I run, the BDSM / Leather Community. With all of the drama, backbiting, bullshit, douchebaggery, straight-up-evil and such, there is a whole lotta love, integrity, faith, trust, loyalty. And if we treat the acknowledgement of these things like it is something to be turned away? We spit in the face of the people who wish to say “Thank you. We see you.”

And that is the biggest thing for me. Being seen.

I work pretty hard. No, let me re-phrase that. I work VERY fucking hard. I don’t make much money. Even enough to cover my (shockingly minimal) expenses is tough to come by most months if I relied on speaking gigs. It has been a tough road to be able to even receive remuneration at all. I’ve been at this teaching thing since around 1998. And even now, people feel free to accuse me of arrogance that I ask to be paid for my time, talent and knowledge. I’ve had people make some rather rude statements about me online, and offline, because I have the audacity to try to make a meager fucking living doing what I love best, and that is sharing my story and helping people feel good about doing down and dirty shit. No one blinks when someone makes a flogger and sells it. But gods forbid I should live my life and take my experience and cobble it into a lesson, make it palatable, share it with people, try to ease the pathway of others. Suddenly, I’m presumptuous and ill-mannered and not “giving back to the Leather Community.” I had an event producer jack me out of a couple of hundred bucks for travel, I’ve had other producers try to sell me a guilt trip when I explain I this is my JOB and my LIFE and not a whim that motivates my asking for that honorarium. It is not easy to do what I’m doing but I do it because I have to.Because it is one of my “Things,” a part of my calling, all that shit.

Running around the country and occasionally overseas is wonderful and I love it! And it is lonely. Connecting with people is tough for me sometimes. I am blessed as hell to have the best support team a human being could ask for. My friends and chosen family are fucking awesome. THEY see and support me, and that keeps me alive, day to day. They make it worthwhile.

So it is an amazing bonus when someone else, someone outside of my inner circle takes the time to say “You are doing a good job.”

Yesterday I received an amazing bonus in the form of an e-mail from the board of Black Rose, informing me that I’d been nominated for the Jack McGeorge Excellence in Education Award.

Which was pretty amazing.

Until I kept reading and realized they went on to say that I had won and would be presented the Jack McGeorge Excellence in Education Award at Black Rose this fall.

Wow.

I mean, OK. Not only an award for doing something I love t do so much but an award named after someone pretty badass?!?

Jesis.

For those of you who are involved in the community, you probably know who Mr. McGeorge was. And in addition to a remarkable BDSM / Leather pedigree, he had a resume that looks like fodder for several blockbuster movies.

For those who think they don’t because they’re not all up on Leather stuff?

Oh yeah, you probably do.

Remember a little while back when UN weapon’s inspectors were al up Saddam Hussein’s asscracks looking for WoMDs? Mr. Mc. George was on the team, because he was so effing badass. And when some fooligans were all “OMG look! He is a PERVERT!!!” Kofi “ Superfly” Annan was all “Yeah, whatevs. He had mad skills, fuck off.”

I might be paraphrasing. But that was him. Here a little hit of Wiki for ya.

But Mr. McGeorge was out, and proud, and never made any secret that he was very much a part of the Leather Community. His resignation was refused, and he carried on. He handled an insanely complex and difficult situation well, and turned it into a teaching moment. And that I find, on a personal level, because I strive for that as well? Something for which I have a great deal of respect.

It is further significant to me that BR was my first big national event. I did my first big-ass class on “race play” there. And I briefly met Mr. McGeorge. In subsequent years, I met him here and there at conferences, and several friends of mine were his intimates. They felt his loss very deeply. Though I didn’t know him well. I have a great deal of respect for him, and for the work he did.

So being given an award with that legacy is really moving for me.

And I think it is pretty cool to have been named as someone who is excellent.

And thank you, Black Rose Board, for seeing me.
I am grateful.
I am honored.
And I am very proud.