Seeing Bubbles.

April 13, 2012 |

Those of you who know about me at all know I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been sober since March 14th, 2007 and just celebrated my 5th Soberversary.

 

A big part of my sobriety revolved around my having a very serious series of…encounters / hallucinations / spirit journeys while I was detoxing.  And the first party involved in this excitement was a hyena who appeared / manifested / emerged from my subconscious and introduced herself as Bubbles.

 

We’ve been together ever since.

 

I fought and battled her for the first 2 years of my sobriety, sometimes having terrible shouting matches inside. She was tenacious, strong, vicious, scared, powerful, and lonely. I beat her with lead pipes, shot her, and sink knives into her belly, all in an attempt to shut down her non-stop litany of self-hatred.

 

Then one day I put down the metal and realized she needed for us to love her, because the part of me that was in so much pain…the part of me that she represented? Was not going to be won over with brutality.

 


And now we have that kind of frenemy thing going on. I love her but she drives me to fits now and then.


Last fall I had her placed where I could see her, so I would remember that we are part of the same package. 

Earlier this week, a friend of mine posted these adorable drawings by an artist who will draw, for commission, a “furry” take on your personality.  “What the fuck,” I thought, “this could be fun!”  So I sent her a couple of photos of hyena, 3 pictures of me, and asked if she could do them.

 

This is the first one she did, today.

 

OK, Can I squee? I love it. I love it SO HARD.  I love that Bubbles is me, and pretty, and furry and yeah. I don’t  think I’ll be commissioning a 5k suit so I can look like her myself. I would be too sweaty. But There is something so, so powerful about having this image of a new hybrid of this creature I spent so long fearing, and fighting, and now can love.

 

Ainu Alassa  on one of those furpeople art sites, so if you are digging it, go check her out.

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4 Comments

  1. Kat on April 13, 2012 at 10:48 PM

    Curious who the artist is. Honestly, I have always kind of pictured Bubbles in this anthro form. Seems quite appropriate. :)



    • Mollena Williams on April 13, 2012 at 11:25 PM

      I link to her site up there in the last line… “Ainu Alassa” and her page on the “Fur Affinity” site.

      Yeah she was NOT this cute and scritchy back in the day. Not by a long shot. But she’s cleaned up well :-D



  2. Stabbity on April 14, 2012 at 1:37 PM

    “I’ve been sober since March 14th, 2007 and just celebrated my 5th Soberversary.”

    Belated congratulations! Go you!



    • Mollena Williams on April 14, 2012 at 10:06 PM

      Thank you! It is a fucking blessing each and every day :-D