The Evolution of Self-Care, Feat. Lizzo.

Life Evolves. Things change. People grow, and growth is beautiful. I have realised something in the past couple of mornings of my “Slavecation.” And that is, Lizzo in the morning is crucial at this stage of my life. I am grateful that our power exchange is a living, breathing entity. I am going to have to sit and get a re-negotiation of my contract with my beloved, Der Spousemeister.

Living with a composer who literally ALWAYS composes has its drawbacks. The main one being his need for quiet. Now, I knew this going in, and I thought “OK, this is what headphones are for. No big thing.” I got a bluetooth box for the TV, so I wouldn’t disturb him with the (absolutely awful) incidental music in the various trashy shows i leave on while working. And during the school year, I have several days of musical freedom as he is away teaching. The neighbors know exactly when he’s gone: our usually quiet floor going from silence sporadically broken by the annoying-ass poorly socialised yapping dog down the hall to “BIGGIE BIGGIE BIGGIE, CAN’T YOU SEE / SOMETIMES YOUR WORDS JUST HYPNOTIZE ME” in a scant 4 seconds from the closing of the elevator door.

Of late, I realise that my mood and attitude is greatly benefitted from being free to listen to music filling the space around me, not just streamed and beamed into my head. It just feels different to me to dance (or, at the present time, limp and hop) around the kitchen with headphones on vs. without. I miss it. And I really need morning Lizzo, frankly. This is heart and soul level self-care.

The Prime Directive* mandates selfcare and selfcare means ±15 minutes of Lizzo at whatever constitutes the beginning of my day. Maybe this means he has to hide in the bathroom, but the difference that makes is vital. And not on any damn headphones. I need the jams blasting.

This day started with Fellow Goddess Lizzo serenading me with the following:

• Juice
• Tempo
• Jerome
• Truth Hurts
• Batches & Cookies
• Coconut Oil

And NOW I am prepared to kick some mutha. Fuckin’. ASS.

I require of myself that I do for myself what it takes to get myself that self-care. I have to guard that boundary closely, because I am not the best at this. But I am getting better.

SO, we will work something out. I know my owner loves and cares for me, even if it is occasionally inconvenient. SOmetimes moreso, when it is a sacrifice. Permitting someone who loves you to love you enough to put your needs first, even for a few moments, is absolutely relationship titanium. And I plan on doing everything in my power to keep our love and our dynamic good as hell.

* If you’re unfamiliar with what I consider to be the absolute cornerstone of good, consensual Power Exchange relationships (spoiler alert, I really mean life) read up here