Musings
No, really. I’m good.
I typically become profoundly uncomfortable when I cannot craft my thoughts or feelings into words. This becomes especially irritating when someone asks me how I am feeling, what I am thinking, and I am nonplussed and vacant, ready with neither quick quip nor reasoned, seasoned response. The capacity to think quickly and clearly is one…
Read MoreWhen it is simple.
I didn’t break down crying. There were no other witnesses. I felt no cosmic upheaval. It was the middle of the afternoon in the middle of the country and I was in the middle of his dining room, in the middle of errands. We had been taking, since the day before, about expectations. He had…
Read MoreQuiet.
I handed over my cell phone with a wry smile when @TheDominantGuy held out his hand for it. Wednesday morning’s drive from the airport saw me handing over my external brain. I tend to be a bit of a mess without it to let me know where I am supposed to be and what I…
Read MoreI want.
I want to be… Pleasing Well-behaved and obedient. I want to be pliant, compliant. The empty vessel. I want to be everything all of the time. I want to be sure-footed, confident. I want to be…perfect. Problem is… …my demon says, chewing thoughtfully on her…
Read MoreBecause I forget sometimes? Thank you.
I am moved today to give thanks. Thank you to the people who support me, who have the bravery to be my friends. Thank you to the people who listen to me, and thank you to the people who offer their homes, their support, and their help. Thank you to the people who, by their…
Read MoreThe messenger.
Travel Days are their own disorienting haze and yesterday’s was particularly brutal what with a 5 hour time change and an 80° temperature differential. Aruba to Dublin? Nice work if you can get it. On the second leg of my trip, JFK –> DUB, I was worn a bit thin, but I was wearing the…
Read MoreManifesting miracles.
When I was three, I went to see the Broadway revival of Hair. As we were dancing in the aisles at the end, and day-glo body painted naked hippies were slipping out of stage traps I turned to my Dad and said “I’m going to do that, too. I want to be on the stage.”…
Read MoreMonogamy & Public Opinion.
A couple of  years ago, I had a rather unpleasant moment where I was on the receiving end of a roomful of laughter when I introduced myself as, among other things, monogamous. If you care to read the whole story, you can do so here. After realizing that part of the rich stew of emotions…
Read MoreMy heart is but a Selaginella Lepidophylla…
When I was in 6th grade, I went to the Museum of Natural History on one of many, many field trips. But this time, I bought something cool. It was called a Resurrection Plant. They are also known as The Rose of Jericho. It was a weird, brown ball and on the card stapled to the top of…
Read MoreMental “RED.”
In the midst of getting myself off, sometimes my mind wanders. This is part of the reason I use carefully screened pr0n. Once I’ve impassively screened a clip / scene / CD, verified that there isn’t anything that would gross me the fuck out, it goes into a Safe Spank Bank and is approved for…
Read More