Personal
I want.
I want to be… Pleasing Well-behaved and obedient. I want to be pliant, compliant. The empty vessel. I want to be everything all of the time. I want to be sure-footed, confident. I want to be…perfect. Problem is… …my demon says, chewing thoughtfully on her…
Read MoreBecause I forget sometimes? Thank you.
I am moved today to give thanks. Thank you to the people who support me, who have the bravery to be my friends. Thank you to the people who listen to me, and thank you to the people who offer their homes, their support, and their help. Thank you to the people who, by their…
Read MoreManifesting miracles.
When I was three, I went to see the Broadway revival of Hair. As we were dancing in the aisles at the end, and day-glo body painted naked hippies were slipping out of stage traps I turned to my Dad and said “I’m going to do that, too. I want to be on the stage.”…
Read MoreGreat galloping Ganesha. It was too obvious.
As I lie here wishing I could sleep and not having much success and running too many emotional subroutines I started with one of my really illin’ nagging mental loops. I was doing a reflexive self-deprecation thing, underscoring my unworthiness in general for doing some stupid shit or other. It doesn’t really matter and…
Read MoreMonogamy & Public Opinion.
A couple of  years ago, I had a rather unpleasant moment where I was on the receiving end of a roomful of laughter when I introduced myself as, among other things, monogamous. If you care to read the whole story, you can do so here. After realizing that part of the rich stew of emotions…
Read MoreMy heart is but a Selaginella Lepidophylla…
When I was in 6th grade, I went to the Museum of Natural History on one of many, many field trips. But this time, I bought something cool. It was called a Resurrection Plant. They are also known as The Rose of Jericho. It was a weird, brown ball and on the card stapled to the top of…
Read MoreMental “RED.”
In the midst of getting myself off, sometimes my mind wanders. This is part of the reason I use carefully screened pr0n. Once I’ve impassively screened a clip / scene / CD, verified that there isn’t anything that would gross me the fuck out, it goes into a Safe Spank Bank and is approved for…
Read MoreBody modified.
In a week or so I’m going in to get the first part of my new tattoo inked. Â It has been a long process. I won this as a part of my winning the Ms. San Francisco Leather title. I knew what I wanted, Â but wasn’t sure how it would fallout. After widely-spaced consultations and…
Read MoreBetter? Or worse?
I’m on the morning of the last of my performances of the revival of 69Stories. Interestingly, this revival is a format somewhat different than previous iterations. More interactive. More real-time. Riskier-feeling for me, but it seems to work well. The riskiness I experience is this: when I tell the stories, a part of me is…
Read MoreIMsL2010: Monthly Wrap-Up.
It has been a month since the International Ms Leather contest. One month ago today, I was in a dazed haze, worrying about the opening number, freaking out about the interview, praying I wouldn’t completely melt down before the weekend was over. Thanks to Glenda, tomo, Ms. Rhonda and Levi for pulling together a stellar…
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