Kinky & Sober! SAFEWORD meeting Format

Back in the Fall of 2007, I got a wild hair up my ass about a 12-Step meeting for Kinky Folk. Perhaps it was my lack of reverence for hard line dogma of any kind. Perhaps it was the reality of people who feel free to juge me based on my sexual choices. That is the last thing I need when I am just lookin’ for some ^%$#@ fellowship y’all!

I knew that there had been a Leather oriented AA meeting yeas ago. Called “Sobriety & Miracles”, (S & M, get it?) it was no longer an active group.

I thought there might be a way to have a gathering that stripped away the rigidity and specificity of AA and embraced the 12-Step model for ALL people recovering from, battling or living with an addiction.

So I rented a room in the local Alano Club, and we had a few meetings. From those very intimate gatherings we have grown quite a bit!

The “SAFEWORD” Recovery Group now meets at the SF Citadel. Yeah, it is pretty fucking sweet to have your Meeting in a Dungeon. “SAFEWORD” is a safe space for all people, regardless of what addiction they face. We meet on Tuesdays from 6:30 PM – 8:00 PM. It is a speaker / discussion format, at present.

For Sobriety Milestones, we give out clothespins, inscribed (on the spot!) with your “Soberversary”.

Below is the all-inclusive format as we use it for our meetings. If you are thinking of hosting your own 12-Step Group, and this template might be helpful to you, I’m honored to be of service!

Peace

Mollena

Sober since March 14th, 2007

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SAFEWORD Recovery Group Meeting Format

Good Evening Friends! This is the regular meeting of the SAFEWORD, Recovery group. My name is (Insert name / scene name) and I am (an [self-identify addiction if desired ] and) your Secretary. Please let us open the meeting with a moment of silence to do with as you wish followed by the Serenity Prayer: please feel free to address your own higher power as you see fit!

{Address Your Higher Power} grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.

As you may have noticed, we are meeting in a Play Space. The Citadel, being an integral part of the Leather Community, has extended to us as “Safeword”, the courtesy of meeting in their Dungeon to conduct a recovery-oriented meeting. We are not a Kinky play group or a social space.
This is an “Open” Recovery-focused meeting, and specifically geared to you if you are a kink-identified person in recovery who wishes to have a safe space in which to express your full self as a Kink-Identified person in recovery. If any topics pertaining to the Leather Lifestyle or Alternative Sexuality, or the frank discussion of these subjects may interfere with your recovery, we ask that you keep yourself safe and find fellowship at a different meeting.

(Pause to check in with group)

Safeword is a fellowship of people who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so that they may help address their common problems, and help others towards recovery. The only requirement for membership is a desire to foster recovery from addiction. There are no dues or fees for Safeword membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other people to in their recovery. Safeword’s focus is on a 12 Step-modeled Approach to Recovery for kink-identified people.

The Safeword Recovery Group is not allied with any sect, denomination, political organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other people to achieve and maintain sobriety. We are open to any self-identified as in recovery and seeking a 12-Step based recovery program.

Per the group tradition, we will now read “The 12 Steps” as adapted from Chapter 5 of the Big Book of AA.

12 Steps as adapted for an “All-Inclusive” 12 Step Meeting
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Our Higher Power, as we understood it.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to Our Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have Our Higher Power remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Out Higher Power, as we understood it, praying only for knowledge of our Higher Power’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Thank you!

Let us go around the group and introduce ourselves: this is done so that we may all get to know one another a little better. Please introduce yourself using any name with which you feel comfortable. Please feel free, if you so desire, to let us know what recovery you are seeking and your sobriety date. You may also feel free to fly your freak flag and let us know how you identify within the Leather Lifestyle. This is also completely optional!

(introductions)

Do we have anyone celebrating an Recovery related milestone this week?

Any Recovery or Kink related announcements?

Anyone sharing at another Meeting, and would like support?

I would now like to introduce our speaker, ________________, who will share their experience, their strength, and their hope with us.

Please refrain from cross-talk during the sharing.

Please listen respectfully during the speaker’s share.

Please refrain from sidebars during the share out of respect for the person speaking.

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We thank the speaker so much for their share!

(Immediately post speaker:) Now we’ll get down with the 7th Tradition.

We have no dues or fees for Safeword. We are entirely self-supporting, declining outside contributions. The funds gathered are to offset running expenses and to thank our hosts for permitting us the generous use of the space.

We will now take a 15 minute break. Behave now, kids!

15 Minute Chat & Coffee* Potty & Smoke Break!

Reconvene Meeting

I’ve invited the speaker to select a topic for discussion. ______________ will serve as our timekeeper: please keep your shares under 4 minutes so that as many people as possible can share tonight!

At 5 minutes to close:

Any Burning desires? Is there anyone who feels that their recovery is at risk if they do not have the opportunity to share at group level?

(If not, open the floor for one more share.)

Thank you! That is all the time we have at this meeting. If you did not have the opportunity to share, please do grab a hold…consensually, of course, of another person for fellowship. Please, do not leave without being heard.

PLEASE NOTE. THIS IS HIGHLY CRITICAL!

Remember this is a STRICT dual confidentiality MEETING: we must MUST retain Scene level Confidentiality in addition to Anonymity in Recovery, ESPECIALLY with regard to the usage of names, attendance at this meeting, and the information discussed here. Under no circumstance is it EVER acceptable to “Out” anyone from this meeting in any way shape or form within or without the Kink / Leather / Recovery Community.

Keep it simple:

Keep it zipped!

Please let us circle and close out the meeting in mindfulness \ Serenity Prayer \ Cleansing Breaths \ The Macarena \ Ringing of A Bell \ Whatever!