Choking on “Shoulds.”

One of the Happier Discoveries I made about being a pervert is that lots of the idiosyncrasies, pathologies, fetishes and freakish desires that many people frown upon in the General Public are not only just fine by pervs, but are actively encouraged. You Like to boss people around? Great! Find yourself a pliant submissive and knock…

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“Topping from the Bottom”: what it is NOT.

I cringe and bristle when I hear the phrase “topping from the bottom” It is often used as a pejorative within the Leather and BDSM community to denote one who is in the position of receiving sensation (the bottom) directing or “topping” from what “should be” a subordinate place. The problem I have is this: the…

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“Top’s Disease”: The pathology of arrogance, or kinda hot?

If you are a self-identified kinky person, you may have heard of “Top’s Disease”: the dominant who shows off in scenes, is riddled with self-importance bordering on clinical monomania may fall into the category of victim of  “Top’s Disease.” This is the idea that a dominant or top has a terminal kink-centric narcissism. Believing their…

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For my FetLife Friend.

So may times over the years I see submissives fall “prey” to “predators” or fall  “victim” of a bad dom or exploitative wolf in leather clothing.   I recently made the online acquaintance of a woman who was going from an online to a real-time dominant / submissive (d/s) relationship.   The fairytale for which…

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